Unchallenged Lies Become Truth
The lies I've been told by others and perpetuated myself, and in some cases continue to perpetuate, impact my perception of who I am. I was told from a young age that I was not a man. That I was more like a girl. That I was weak. That I was feminine. I felt that I wasn't good enough to be loved by my father and brother. I felt that I was more like my mom than my dad. I believed that women weren't attracted to me and that sex was something that was just for pleasure. I believed these lies and they've gone unchallenged most of my life.
At age 35 I was an isolated, godless, pothead, gamer, rageaholic. I had lost most of my friends and was alienated from most of my family. My successful career as a hair stylist was falling apart and I was running out of money. I wondered what the point of my life was, but I didn't care enough to turn away from the weed.
I was raised Catholic, but had long ago rejected Jesus and His Church in favor of a life of debauchery. I rejected Christ but never stopped believing in Him. The further I ventured into the darkness of addiction and the party lifestyle, the more I recognized that something was missing from my life but wasn't quite sure what.
At 38 years old I hit bottom. I was losing clients, was not making enough money to pay my bills, and was physically ill from using weed. I came to see that what was missing from my life wasn't a "what" but a Who? God was the missing "who" and I hoped in seeking Him out that he had a better plan for me than I'd been living - just getting by day after day.
I began to pray again and asked Him to help me get off drugs and He did. After many starts and stops at attempting sobriety, my life was transformed as I went from getting high every day for 10-15 years to completely stopping in just 7 days. I recognized that God had done this for me because He did have a better plan for me. I am still discerning what that plan is.
As the weed use ended, my sexual attraction to men, which had gone dormant, grew stronger again. I recognized the conflict between acting on my sexual attractions and my Catholic faith so I sought out and joined the Courage apostolate and my life was, once again, transformed.
I now live a Christ centered life though I still struggle with chastity and allowing myself to love and be loved. I have good relationships with my family again. New healthy, chaste friendships with men. My career is back on track. Our Lord has done great things for me.
Over the last few years I've started speaking publicly for Courage on a more frequent basis. I am highly motivated to share my journey with as many as have ears to hear through my YouTube videos, public speaking opportunities, and blog posts. I wanted a place to bring together all that I have to offer and that's what this simple website will make possible.
The video below, my testimony from the 2016 Courage Conference, goes into more detail.
Please reach out to me, by clicking the Contact Me tab at the top of this page , if I can offer advice , prayer, or if you would like to have me come speak at an event.