Empathy Gone Too Far

My housemate and I discussed his rough day at work yesterday before our night prayer. Afterwards, he was obviously agitated. When I asked why, he said it was partially due to my “communication style,” which “lacks in empathy.”

Empathy means understanding and sharing another's feelings. Empathetic means showing this understanding and sharing.

So, according to these definitions, I do have empathy: I understand and sometimes share others' feelings. Where I struggle is in how I show this empathy—specifically, I have difficulty demonstrating my understanding and ability to share feelings in the way the other person expects.

I can easily become very angry, sometimes to the point of hatred. When this happens, it feels good to have someone share and echo my anger. However, while that shared anger feels validating, it has never been helpful. What actually helps is when someone understands why I am angry, but also helps me move past it, rather than encouraging me to stay in that anger. To me, true empathy means understanding my feelings but also supporting me in moving forward, especially when the same problem keeps recurring.

If I come home angry every day about someone at work, is it really helpful to simply recognize and share that anger? I don’t think so. Empathizing without action leaves the person stuck in a cycle of unproductive emotion.

Psalm 80:3 “... God of hosts, bring us back...”

This is part of empathy: understanding a person's emotions, sharing them when healthy and helpful, and then guiding the person back to reality.

Psalm 81:6-7a “...I freed your shoulder from the burden; your hands were freed from the load. You called in distress and I saved you...”

Empathy can go too far. While it's important to share in others' joys and sufferings, we must ask whether our empathy keeps them stuck in their emotions. Where do we draw the line? If the line is unclear, I believe Jesus would have us favor compassion and mercy. Still, is it truly compassionate or merciful to allow someone to remain in unhealthy emotions?

Luke 1:68 “...He has come to His people and set them free...”

We participate in freeing ourselves and others from negative cycles through empathy. This means both sharing in others' emotional experiences and actively helping them process and move beyond these feelings.

Empathy is both experiencing emotions with someone and helping them find their way out. It’s not either/or — both are essential to meaningful empathy.

Human-Written, AI Spell-Checked 5/13/21

Image from MabelAmber at Pixaby.com