Law is Just the Beginning

The law is easy. Love is difficult. 

Rules can be mastered with time and a willingness to suffer. God allows this imperfect rule-based relationship with Him for a certain time until we outgrow this way of loving. Then, it is time to elevate. 

He has removed my abilities that help me to live law so I can let it go and learn to love. Love and rigidity can not coexist. One must yield to the other.

We will not easily yield to letting go of the pride and feeling of control that can come through adherence to the law. So Jesus withdraws the gifts He had given us that allowed us to grow in this way which serves a purpose early on in our relationship with Him and His Church. 

This is where I am. Trying to let real love in through my father, my brother, and my housemate Brian. It is so difficult. I want to go back to disciplined rule-following and forget about love, but Jesus wants better for me. 

The conflicting desires for community, on the one hand, and to be separated, special, and superior are very difficult to reconcile. These are strings in my life that continually cross over one another, creating many little knots that then snag on each other, forming larger knots. They make living the life I believe I've been invited to live very painful. Mary Undoer of Knots, please help me. 

City of God 1:10 “...Job, heavily tried but not overcome...” I feel heavily tired, and it seems to be overwhelming me. St. Job, if there is such a person in Heaven, please pray for me. 

Written 2/8/21 AD

Human Written, AI Spell Checked

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