If Not You Than Who?

A friend recently shared that he doesn’t tell those who know him as gay that he no longer lives the “gay lifestyle,” because he prefers to keep it quiet and doesn’t know what to say. As he spoke, I did my best to control my confused, agitated expression, but I am not sure I succeeded.

I have been given the gift of truth, as have all of us in the Courage apostolate. Life-changing, soul-saving truth. For the last 8 years, I have done my best to share this good news through my blogging, YouTube channel, and a video project with the apostolate. Yet I withheld that good news from one important person for many years until a few weeks ago.

I work in the gayest neighborhood in Washington, DC, a very gay friendly city. One of my coworkers is married to another woman. She knows that I am Catholic and that I believe all the Church teaches. Though she doesn’t agree, she does accept and somewhat respect my faith, but she has no idea that I ever lived a gay life. While I was preparing to make the video for the Courage apostolate, which is on my website's homepage, she asked me what I would speak about, and I told her I would speak about the Church's teachings on sexuality. One day, she said she’d like to hear one of my talks. My coworker, who knows my background, told her, “You don’t want to hear what he speaks about.” My coworker responded, “Yes, I do.” My friend said, “NO, you really don’t.” She said with a snicker, “Sure, I do. I know he and I don’t agree on these topics.” My friend again said, “NO, you really don’t.”  The discussion ended there, and I started questioning why I was withholding the truth that God had given me from her and others who come to me to get their hair done.

After Courage released the video, I continued to feel that the Lord wanted me to share it with her. During prayer, I’d hear the question in my mind, “If not you, who will share the truth with her?”  The feeling of withholding freedom from her persisted until I finally sent her the video a few weeks ago.

To do so requires me to let go of wanting to control her reaction. To accept that she may mock me or tell clients in the salon that I am one of those “ex gay” people. To accept the possibility of losing income and negatively impacting the business. But her soul is at stake. What could matter more? If what I have is the truth, then how can I justify withholding it from her?  How will I explain this to God?

My friends sharing with me rekindled my zeal for Jesus, freedom, and His Church. My intention with this post is to do the same in you by asking a simple question: What is a soul worth to you? What is its salvation worth losing—job, freedom, friends, family, or nothing? Let your answers guide you in deciding whether to put the light of freedom Courage has brought you under a bushel bag or up on a lampstand. Then take that light and share it with someone who needs it.

We have the beautiful light of truth, yet we sometimes hide it while those who live the lives we know lead them and others to eternal separation from Christ trumpet their stories for the world to hear. So, on this upcoming National Coming Out Day, do not hide. Consider kicking the doors off the closet of shame and let Jesus shine through you by speaking clearly and bravely.

Psalm 102:19-20 “... He looked down from heaven to the earth that he might hear the groans of the prisoners and free those condemned to die...”

He heard our silent groans. Those groans unknown even to us. And He freed us not only for our sake but for the sake of others. The freedom we wanted without knowing it at first is also desired by those around us.

Job 3:11,13 “...Why did I not perish at birth... For then I should have lain down and been tranquil; had I slept, I should then have been at rest...”

We take our gift of freedom from the Lord and keep silent because we seek tranquility and rest, which is understandable, but not what Jesus intends for us.

From Augustine's Confessions “... the words of my soul and the cry of my mind...you(Lord) hear and understand... My voice is silent but my heart cries out...”

Happy Are You Poor “... at Mass one Sunday morning in October a serious, deeply religious couple hears that the following week there is going to be a collection for the foreign missions. As they drive home Mrs. Jones is likely to say, “Bill, do you think we could afford something like $20 or $30 for this collection? “After some musing Mr. Jones may well respond that he, too, thinks they could afford that amount as their contribution. While most would indeed consider Mr. and Mrs. Jones a generous couple, we must note something significant. When both of them use the expression “we could afford “, they meant “without changing significantly our level of consuming“. They did not mean “we could afford $20 or $30 if we dine out less frequently or give up smoking and cocktails, or if we cancel our vacation trip, or sell one of our sports cars.“ Even in serious people the good life ideology is operative, and it profoundly influences what they do and do not do on the operational level. If Mr. and Mrs. Jones were to give up the good life ideal, they could give far more to the foreign missions...”

“...In other words, we need prophetic witnesses. We need people who in their way of life challenge prevailing false ideologies bearing upon the production, distribution, and use of material goods. We need lived prophecy.… We need joyous, loving men and women to show in their lives that one can live a sparing-sharing lifestyle and still be happy and fulfilled...”

I think these two passages from the book Happy Are You Poor by Fr. Thomas Dubay pertain to speaking about Courage. About sharing the riches of pursuing purity and living a chaste life with others experiencing SSA. By our way of life, we challenge prevailing false ideologies, and we show that peace and joy are possible and more likely when living the way Christ, through His Church, calls us to live.

If we refuse to do this out of fear of losing income or relationships, we have no right to complain about the state of the world and the Church. We do not bring about change by sitting in our cubicles, preaching to the choir, and hoping our energy or vibes will somehow flow out through the walls of our homes and change the world. It doesn’t work that way. If it did, the Apostles would have done it and spared their own livelihoods and lives.

1 John 3:17-18 “... I ask you, how can God’s love survive in a man who has enough of this world’s goods yet closes his heart to his brother when he sees him in need? Little children, let us love in deed and in truth and not merely talk about it...”

Could the world be more needy regarding people seeing and hearing the beauty of the teachings of the Church regarding human sexuality? We are living what they need, but they don’t know it because we hide ourselves for the most part. If we love them, we will sacrifice our jobs, privacy, and comfort for them. So share the truth, live it openly, and let others see the beauty of the Church.

From the LOH mid-morning prayer: “All-powerful and ever-living God, in mid-morning you poured out the Holy Spirit as a constant friend and guide for your apostles. Send that same Spirit of love to us to make us faithful witnesses to you in the sight of all mankind. Grant this through Christ our Lord. AMEN!”

Pope Benedict XVI “... “We are not some casual and meaningless product of evolution. Each of us is the result of a thought of God. Each of us is willed, each of us is loved, each of us is necessary.”

Human-Written,AI Spell Checked 5/25/21 AD

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