Living in the Minds of Others

From a commentary on Job by St. Gregory the Great: “... A weak-minded person is frequently diverted toward pursuing exterior happiness when the breath of popular favor accompanies his good actions. So he gives up his own personal choices, preferring to remain at the mercy of whatever he hears from others. Thus, he rejoices not so much to become but to be called blessed...”

From Happy Are You Poor by Fr. Thomas Dubay: “... wardrobes are expanded because clothes become ends, as though we were made to live in the minds of others...”

Do I live in other people's minds? I say I don’t care what people think, but do I really mean that? I don’t think I care much what most people think of me, but for some, like my parents or my closest friend Brian and a few other friends, I do...I think. So how does that affect me?

I wrote this post back in 2021, and I am more aware now of how much I did and sometimes still do live in the minds of others. For years, I denied any romantic attraction to other men. I told myself and others it was purely sexual, and that being in love with a man was gross. I also told myself that I was no longer drawn to secular entertainment. Video games, music, and films held no interest for me. I think I believed this because I thought this was what it meant to be a “real” Catholic: to no longer have any connection to worldly things or any desire for them. For many, this may be true, but I know now in 2026 that it was not true for me.

So I would have said, "No, I don’t live in the minds of others," or at least, "I don’t care what others think of me," but in reality, I did. I did, without realizing it, and lied to myself to make up for not meeting the standard I thought others expected.

I pursued my “exterior happiness” blindly under the guise of living like a saint, denying what truly appealed to me because I thought it was who I was supposed to be. This could only go on so long before the reality of my desires bubbled up, and now, in 2026, I am finally confronting it. I realize now that living like a saint is knowing myself and still keeping the same standards of what is spiritually healthy and good. So don’t deny my attractions, but that doesn't have to mean giving in to them.

Lord, open our eyes to how we are truly living, rather than what we think we should want or how we think we should be living, so we can surrender more deeply and become who You lovingly created us to be.

Human-Written, AI Spell-Checked 5/28/21 AD

Image. from WIX AI Image Generator