Coming Out Again

My first job after graduating from Cosmetology school as a hairstylist was in Dupont Circle in Washington, DC. The same neighborhood I continue to work in twenty-nine years later. At that time, homosexuals still lived closeted lives, especially in the superficially conservative Nation's Capital, and were relegated to living openly in one part of the city, where my new job was located. I was proud to work in the gay neighborhood and be "out." It was an opportunity to express my newly embraced identity.

As I discuss in my forthcoming book, Becoming a Good Man, when I came out, a good friend of mine at the time said I kicked the "closet doors" down. No discretion. I shared my sexuality with everyone I encountered through my words, appearance, and mannerisms. Even if they didn't want it shared with them. Since returning to Christ and His Church, I've similarly kicked down the doors of the "ex-gay" religious closet, but have held back in some significant ways. Namely, sharing my reversion to Catholicism and my adherence to its teachings, including regarding same-sex attraction and the sexual activities associated with it, with coworkers and long-time clients.

As I've shared the changes in my life with faithful Catholics, I've withheld them from those whose response I was unsure of—namely, people who pay for my services or I work beside. I can no longer do this. I do not want to stand before my Lord and hear the question, "Why didn't you tell them?" How can I withhold the truth and love that have brought me such freedom, peace, and joy? Because they may not like what I have to say? Because they may stop paying me? Because I may be boycotted or fired? This possibility can not hold me back.

2 Cor 7:8 "if I saddened you by my letter, I have no regrets..."

If people don't know freedom is possible, they won't seek it. If they don't know healing is possible, they won't look into it. By my fearful silence, I become a stumbling block to others' freedom and healing. I don't want to live a life of regret, which would be the case if I withheld the good news I've received from others due to potential discomfort or financial loss.

Psalm 145 "...I will give you glory, O God my king, I will bless your name for ever..."

The glory of what Jesus has and continues to do for me cannot be hidden for any reason.

I came out to my family nearly thirty years ago and was accepted as a flamboyant gay man. Having their acceptance aided me in unintended ways. Without the rejection of my family to burden me, I was able to live the gay life openly, I thought I always wanted, but something wasn't right. Despite living and working in a gay neighborhood, in a profession that is very gay friendly, and being affirmed by those I loved, I still felt confusion over my identity. Thankfully, I wasn't inclined towards transgenderism, so to deal with this pain, I became an alcoholic and a drug, porn, and gaming addict. As the ability of these habits to hide the darkness of trying to be something I wasn't faded, I began to question why I existed and, if there was a God, why did He create me? How could I be one of God's children if He hated my identity? I didn't see a way, but pursued Him anyway, knowing that He would show me His way. I met a priest one day, and he introduced me to the Courage apostolate, which revealed my true identity as a man, a son, a father, and a brother.

In brief, this is how my eyes were opened to my true identity. The beauty of what Jesus has done for me and my awareness of the darkness many live in because they don't know they have a choice is why I am now coming out of yet another closet, twenty-nine years after coming out the first time. The first closet  I exited, my true identity, was the one that society told me I was stuck in because of the gay identity they had assigned to me. I now exit the closet of this false identity and step out into a world hostile to my experience of reawakening to my real identity, not defined by any feeling or attraction but only by God.

Psalm 145 "...All your creatures shall thank you, O Lord, and your friends shall repeat their blessing..."

I give thanks by repeating the blessing of truth in identity that has been given to me.

Many LGBTQ+ individuals feel they are not living as they should be, and many resist society's insistence that we ignore our conscience and the teachings of the Church, but do so in secret. I write this not necessarily to encourage them to speak out, but to reassure them that they are not alone and that they do have a choice, even after years of living these identities.

Rev 6:1-17 "...When the Lamb broke open the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the spirits of those who had been martyred because of the witness they bore to the word of God..."

We bear witness to God by living the truth of His word, whether publicly or privately among family and close friends. Doing so will bring a type of martyrdom to those who choose to follow the calling of Christ to evangelize the far corners of the earth. The call is not for a few but for all who have been freed. An inability to speak well or the repercussions of speaking are no excuse for remaining completely silent about this freeing, yet painful, truth either.

From St. Justin Martyr "...The wealthy, if they wish, may make a contribution, and they themselves decide the amount. The collection is placed in the custody of the president, who uses it to help the orphans and widows and all who for any reason are in distress, whether because they are sick, in prison, or away from home. In a word, he takes care of all who are in need..."

We who have been freed from this distortion of our true identity —the spiritually wealthy— are asked to make a contribution in whatever amount of ourselves we prudently feel called to make available to those who are in need without realizing their need. This is a sacrifice that will come with a painful price. At the very least, family, friends, and colleagues may be made uncomfortable; at worst, the ability to communicate may be compromised, and jobs and family connections may be jeopardized. This can scare us into silence as it is intended to do. We who have been freed have to ask ourselves what matters most. What did the early followers of Christ do with the truth they carried?  Did they keep it to themselves as the Dead Sea does its waters, or did they allow the rivers of truth that flowed from Christ into them to flow out to those in their spheres of influence, as the Sea of Galilee does, at significant personal cost? Are my coworkers and clients worth the sacrifice? Yes, they are. Are your loved ones, colleagues, and brothers and sisters trapped in the LGBTQ+ identities worth suffering to free? A question that must be asked and prudently responded to in these times of confusion inside and outside the Church. If we who have been freed won't help free others, who will?

"...It is the prerogative of the Christian religion to inspire men with such resolution, and form them to such heroism, that they rejoice to sacrifice their life to truth..." -Reflection on St. Apollonius from Fr. Alban Butler's Lives of the Saints

Human-Written, AI Spell-Checked 4/18/21 AD

Image from WIX AI