Help Yourself Damn It

Last week, I started praying again with two of my coworkers after taking a long break because, in my mind, they weren’t doing their part. I asked one if she reads the Bible daily, and she said no, but she would like to. So I started sending her one of the daily Mass readings each day. Yesterday I forgot, and she asked why I didn’t send it, which frustrated me, but this morning I did. I then felt it would be good to do this for others who don't have others to look to for Catholic interaction.

As my housemate and I prayed this morning, I became aware of all that Jesus has given me. Abilities that I often forget are gifts. I thought about how frustrated and angry I sometimes get at others because they don’t have the same gifts I do, and how I resent their need for help. Then I realized this was part of the reason I recently retired from management. This is why I have been called to slow down. So I can dedicate myself to serving others. Encouraging them in their areas of weakness rather than being angry at them. Carrying them when they need it, as Jesus carries me, and allowing them to do the same for me.

My gifts are for me, but not just for me. As a passage from the book Happy Are You Poor from Fr. Dubay says, “...A sharing manner of life is not optional. Creation belongs to all members of the human race...You are not making a gift of your possessions to the poor person. You are handing over to him what is his. For what has been given in common for the use of all, you have arrogated to yourself...”

I have so much that Jesus has given me, and to whom much is given, much is expected. He poured out Himself for others, and He calls me to do the same. He has poured much into me, and He expects me to pour much out. To serve others means to do for them what they may not be able to do for themselves, hopefully helping them to grow in their ability to do more for themselves. At the same time, accepting them as they are, as they do for me, and serving them however they need to be served.

The community within the Catholic Church is united in our different neediness and in our willingness to fill the roles our brothers and sisters need filled. Jesus has given me self-discipline, evangelizing, communication, humor, and understanding. I also lack in many areas. I am to pour myself out for others whenever I can and allow others to pour themselves into my weak areas.

From a catechetical instruction by St Cyril of Jerusalem, “... Water comes down from heaven as rain, and although it is always the same in itself, it produces many different effects, one in the palm tree, another in the vine, and so on throughout the whole of creation. It does not come down, now as one thing, now as another, but while remaining essentially the same, it adapts itself to the needs of every creature that receives it...”

So with the Holy Spirit and the gifts He brings.

I am called to serve. I serve my housemate the way he needs to be served, which is different from how I serve my Mom, coworkers, or clients. This is how I live out my fatherhood: through sacrifice. My stance has to be, if I can help, let me know how, and if I can, I will.

Again from St. Cyril, “... The Spirit comes gently and makes himself known by his fragrance. He is not felt as a burden, for He is light, very light. Rays of light and knowledge stream before Him as He approaches. The Spirit comes with the tenderness of a true friend and protector to save, to heal, to teach, to counsel, to strengthen, to console. The Spirit comes to enlighten the mind first of the one who receives Him, and then, through Him, the minds of others as well...”

I do not want to be a burden to those who need to be served.

I listened to a talk a while back in which the speaker spoke about asking God for rain for his family’s farm and recognizing that he wanted it to rain so he would not have to depend on God anymore. I have, in the past and still do sometimes, believed that I am called to help people, but only in a limited way. I want it to be a one-time help where I teach you how to do something for yourself, you immediately pick it up and do it yourself, and then I can go back to focusing on myself.

If I believe God has given me all that I have, which I do, and I also believe and see that He is giving me an overabundance in some areas, which I do, the logical question to me is to ask why He would give me more than I need. We know that he warns us against wealth, material possessions, and hoarding our riches, so He obviously doesn’t want us to keep it for ourselves if what he says in the Bible is true. So, logically, He gives us more than we need so we can give it to others, because giving benefits us. He could obviously give everyone what they need on His own, but He chooses to do so this way for our benefit, whether we are aware of it or not.

From Ways of Imperfection by Simon Tugwell “... we may indeed say that Christianity does direct us towards the fulfillment of all our desires and hopes; but we shall only say this correctly if we understand it to mean that a great many of the desires and hopes we are conscious of will eventually turn out to be foolish and misconceived. It is God who knows how to make us happy, better than we know ourselves. Christianity necessarily involves a remaking of our hopes...”

Today, I hope to be a good servant. That is not a hope created in my heart or mind but one placed there by the Holy Spirit. Never would I have imagined that words such as these would cross my lips.

From Josef Peiper in Leisure: The Basis of Culture “... idleness…meant especially this: that the human being had given up on the very responsibility that comes with his dignity: that he does not want to be what God wants him to be, and that means that he does not want to be what he really is. Acadia is the “despair of weakness,“ which Kierkegaard said that consists in someone “despairingly“ not wanting “to be oneself.“…That behind all his energetic activity, he is not at one with himself...”

I don’t want to serve, I want to be served. If I do serve, I want it to be in my way and at a time of my choosing. That I am called to do the opposite of what I think I want brings me despair because my self-made desires do not align with what my God-given desires are. I do not know what I really want, as is stated in the passage above. So I pursue being self-made, but I despair over it at the same time. I am grateful for this understanding, though it has not yet produced surrender to Christ and the change in my behavior that I am sure it is intended to bring. This type of change can not be made by a simple man like me. Lord, help me to want what You want for me.

Human-Written, AI Spell-Checked 5/18/21 AD

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