Jesus or the Bottle?

Yesterday, I reread my journal entries from about six weeks into the pandemic lockdown. In them, I reflected on having once lived a more disciplined life, reliant on Jesus and His Church, and how, over time, I shifted back to depending on worldly comforts.

My routines shifted when Brian and I began nightly check-ins, often late at night. Bedtimes moved from 9:30-10:30 to as late as 2 or 3 a.m. Morning rising slipped later, sometimes causing me to rush through prayers I used to enjoy taking my time with and skipping daily Mass. As I lost discipline, I began drinking more—moving from abstinence to daily drinks—and started eating more junk food, both gradually becoming habits again. Recognizing this slide, a conversation with a monk friend finally reminded me what I truly needed to return to.

That conversation stands out in my memory. While visiting him at the monastery, he mentioned a statistic that I cannot independently verify, but I trust its accuracy. He said that in most monasteries, at least 75% of residents struggle with addiction—whether to pornography, alcohol, food, or something else. He attributed this partly to depression, and I agree, but I believe a deeper issue underlies these addictions: we refuse to turn to Jesus.

Reflecting on this, I realize pleasure is God in many lives, religious and otherwise. The desire to feel better if we are down drives us into all sorts of illogical pursuits. We, as disciples of Christ and His Church, are to turn to Him with all of our needs. Now I don’t mean to say that having a drink to relax or a tasty morsel is a bad way to soften the stresses of life, but when those become our “go to” in times of difficulty and struggle, then we have taken our eyes from Jesus and allowed the world to take His place.

Returning to Him has been difficult. Now, Sunday evenings are my struggle: I limit myself to one drink and a snack, but the issue isn’t what I consume; it’s that I use these comforts as substitutes for Him, even in moderation. By week’s end, I crave rest. Instead of turning to Him, I opt for Mike's Hard Lemonade, Smart Popcorn, and YouTube, convincing myself it’s temporary. Yet, one night off breeds the desire for more. I need to redefine true rest.

In the past, rest was about escape—understandable then, but now I strive for a Christ-centered life. He wants me to seek His comfort, which means letting go of old dependencies. God willing, I’m on that path.

Human-Written, AI Spell-Checked 5/17/21 AD

Image from WIX AI